I don't operate on "island time."

Caribbean vacations are all about indulgence to the point of absurdity. Sitting on a beach doing nothing but drinking sweating bottles of beer to keep your own sweat at bay, lying on a 'lanai' and watching the trees wave back and forth, concentrating on breathing in an atmosphere that must surely drown the inattentive inhaler.

fly the unfriendly, bitchy, lackadaisical skies--->

This is not my style. I know, such a surprise.

But I can adjust to the 'island life' for brief periods of time - the 2 days I just spent in tobago for my friend's wedding were a great example.

When I definitively cannot adjust to this lifestyle choice? During my air travel to said island.

Now I know I've complained about air travel before. We've all had experiences that make one swear off the whole doomed affair until the next time you need to see mom for a holiday. But Caribbean airlines truly takes the cake. Actually, that would require effort. It truly sits on the laurel.

Running through an airport to make a 12:15 board time only to be told by the gate agent, bitchily (and isn't a big part of that 'island vibe' supposed to be a laid-back, friendly attitude? No?), that "way're not board-in' yet."

"Oh, but your sign says 'all rows now boarding?'"

"We al-wehs have dat sign up."

Well gee, thanks to the ticketing agent for telling me I'd be bumped if I didn't get there soon soon soon. And to the airline for proceeding to not-board-while-boarding-all-rows for another 35 minutes after I arrived.

I can't even describe the efficiency of the money-changer at the Trinidad airport (yes, I know I shouldn't change money there - "TTs," however, the Trini/Tobagoan currency, weren't available at any of the banks checked prior to departure). You might think that an operation that is meant to handle all the monetary needs of incoming travelers might employ more than one person, who might himself employ an automated system. You might think wrong, sir. That's just part of the charm - worrying increasingly that you'll miss your next flight because the 30 minute buffer you had in which to get money has dwindled to 2 while you waited for the man in front of you to change Barbados dollars into TTs with painstaking methodicality...

I'm heading back towards home right now, shocked to find that, despite an inability to invest in signage or accuracy-in-timing, the Port of Spain airport is fully wireless.

I've never been happier to be flying American.